503. Smartass answers to frequently asked deep philosophical questions

How to be a better person?
By not asking silly questions.

Why do we have to die?
Welcome to the human condition 101.

What is consciousness?
The information stored in the electromagnetic field of your brain. further reading can be found here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electromagnetic_theories_of_consciousness

Am I happy?
Why do you want to be happy?

Who shot JFK?
Lee Harvey Oswald?

What happens when you die?
You will be incinerated or get eaten by worms, vultures and other corpse eating creatures.

Who am I?
Whoever you want to be.

Is masturbation a sin?
It depends on what you masturbate to.
As a rule of thumb if you masturbate to situations where you are having sexual intercourse with something that is or was alive and does not or is not able to give his/her/its consent then yes it is a sin. You disgusting piece of shit.

How to forgive
By not forgetting.

Will I ever be thin?

Sure, if there is no pathological condition just stop eating shit.

What is scientology?
A religion that wants your money. Sounds familiar?

Did the moon landings actually happen?
Yes.

How to read palms
By taking a marker and writing something on them.

Where in the bible does it say that homosexuality is a sin?
Ask those who preach it.
Most of them will cringe at first but then will take you behind the altar to purify your soul and..

What religion is Donald and Melania Trump?
Capitalism.

What do Muslims believe?
That there is a supreme being that has created the world and that your afterlife will be judged according to your present day actions. Sounds familiar?

How to hypnotize someone
By using rape pills. You worthless piece of shit, scum of the earth.

Reincarnation
Remasturbation

What is heaven like?
It's like her warm wet dripping pussy.

What is hell?
Being taken behind the altar. See above

Relationship between religion and science
Not related. This does not mean that they can reproduce.

What is beauty?
Beauty is like heaven. See above

What is love?
Baby don't hurt me


What is my life purpose?
To be in heaven. See above

What is evil?
Anything that keeps you outside of heaven. See above

Is god real?
Yes I am.

Does god exist?
Yes I do.

Why do bad things happen to good people?
Because they are naïve and don't have contingency plans due to their belief that they are not evil. Spoiler: bad things happen also to bad people but they are not whining about it.

When will the world end?
It has already ended on December 21st 2012 AD. You are living in a matrix like simulation and your body fluids are used as ingredients for your overlord's beverages.
As if I had to apologize to the cows and the sheep of this reality for my cappuccinos and my yoghurts.

Is there life after death?
Is there life before death?
Is there death before life?
Is there death after life?

Why does god hate me?
I don't. Rest assured.

What is truth?
Any argument that does not rely on false premises and is well structured.

How to live forever?
Ask Jesus or Ray Kurzweil.

How to suicide
Pick you shit: Wrist cutting, Dehydration, Disease, Drowning, Electrocution, Firearm, Hanging, Hypothermia, Immolation, Volcano, Indirect suicide, Animal attacks, Jumping from height, Poison, Pesticide, Drug overdose, Carbon monoxide, Ritual suicide, Seppuku, Autosacrifice, Self-strangulation, Starvation, Suffocation, Suicide attack, Vehicular impact, Rail, Metro systems, Car Aircraft.

Who is your soulmate?
Mary. The virgin one.

What are the winning lottery numbers?
6 32 55 12 87 64

Do aliens exist?
Yeap.

Is time travel possible?
Only to the future. That's where the arrow of time points to.

Will I ever be rich?
I charge 100$/hour to anyone who asks me this question. Alternatively I can sell some lottery tickets.

What is the meaning of life?
42. Duh

Do ghosts exist?
How many times did you need to drink, how many sluts did you have to fuck in order to forget your soulmate?

Is there a parallel universe?
Not only one. Plenty of them.

How do we end poverty?
By mining asteroids, using solar and wind energy and fusion reactors. Be patient.

Is there a God?
Not only one. Plenty of them.

Is the Loch Ness Monster alive?
Yeah sure.

Am I a good person?
I charge 100$/hour to anyone who asks this question. Alternatively you can go ask the bible preachers the same shit.

Did Donald Trump rig the election?
The Russians surely wanted Hillary not to get elected.

When will I die?
Sometime in the foreseeable future. Be patient.

How am I going to die?
In angst, in pain or peacefully in your sleep.

Do people like me?
When you don't ask silly questions, they don't hate you.

What came first, the chicken or the egg?
The chicken.
"The scientific and philosophical mystery was purportedly unraveled by researchers at Sheffield and Warwick universities, according to the Daily Mail newspaper.
The scientists found that a protein found only in a chicken's ovaries is necessary for the formation of the egg, according to the paper Wednesday. The egg can therefore only exist if it has been created inside a chicken."

Am I good looking?
People are having sex with horses and the exhaust pipes of cars. I am sure somebody finds you good looking.

Does my cat really like me?
HELL NO!

Am I good in bed?
Does her/your pussy drip?

Is my partner cheating on me?
It depends.

I want to die
Pick you shit (x2): Wrist cutting, Dehydration, Disease, Drowning, Electrocution, Firearm, Hanging, Hypothermia, Immolation, Volcano, Indirect suicide, Animal attacks, Jumping from height, Poison, Pesticide, Drug overdose, Carbon monoxide, Ritual suicide, Seppuku, Autosacrifice, Self-strangulation, Starvation, Suffocation, Suicide attack, Vehicular impact, Rail, Metro systems, Car Aircraft.

What is Time?
The fourth dimension of timespace. (x,y,z,t)

What happens after death?
Nothing.

Are human beings just machines?
Yeap.

Destiny? Free Will?
Mayo? Mustard?

What is Philosophy?
The love of wisdom. Learn greek otherwise you will stay in this barbaric state of mind, asking silly questions.

NASA's Curiosity rover finds potential building blocks of life on Mars

NASA's Curiosity rover finds potential building blocks of life on Mars

NASA's Mars Curiosity rover, slowly making its way up the side of a towering mountain of sedimentary rock at the center of its Gale Crater landing site, has found fresh evidence for the red planet's past -- and possibly present -- habitability, scientists reported Thursday. NASA announced Thursday the nuclear-powered rover has detected a variety of organic compounds

These organic compounds, a requirement for life as it's known on Earth, were found in 3-billion-year-old rocks deposited on the floor of Gale Crater. While organics were discovered by the rover earlier, the age and variety of the newly analyzed samples strengthen the case for a habitable environment in the past.

"We found organic molecules in rocks from an ancient lakebed," said Jen Eigenbrode, a research scientist and astrobiologist at NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Md. "Those organic molecules could have come from life."

In a second, potentially more significant finding announced Thursday, scientists reported detection of a seasonal variation in methane levels in the martian atmosphere. Background levels climb by a factor of three from winter to summer, indicating a repeating release of the gas.
Space Mars Rover Selfies


"Today, we're announcing the discovery of a repeatable, identifiable, seasonal pattern in the methane measurements," said Chris Webster, a senior research fellow at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, Calif.

"Not only have we got this wonderful repeatability, but the seasonal cycle changes by a factor of three. That's a huge change, completely unexpected. And what it does, it gives us a key to unlocking the mysteries associated with Mars methane because now we have something to test our models and our understanding against."

A seasonal change in methane levels is exciting, he said, because 95 percent of the methane observed on Earth is the result of biology. In addition, methane only lasts a few centuries before it is broken down or escapes the atmosphere "so if we see methane in the martian atmosphere, that means something is happening today, it's being released or it's being created."

Methane in the martian atmosphere has been detected before, but only in isolated patches or plumes of higher concentrations, not in any repeatable pattern. Rising levels in the summer months, when Mars is warmer, could be an indication of on-going biology or it could simply be the result of purely geological processes.
marsmethaneseasonal.png


In any case, Webster said the methane apparently works its way into the atmosphere from sub-surface reservoirs of some sort, places where non-biological geochemistry is going on or where microbial life might somehow flourish.

"The idea that best fits our data is the idea of sub-surface storage," he said. "So way under the ground this methane is trapped. ... We don't know if that methane is ancient, we don't know if it's modern. It could be either. We also don't know if that methane was created from rock chemistry or it was created by microbes."

But NASA managers say the new discoveries show the agency's Mars exploration plans are on the right track.

NASA currently operates three orbiters and two surface rovers at Mars with a new lander -- InSight -- on the way. The European Space Agency plans to launch its own rover in a few years and NASA is building a powerful follow-on to Curiosity, the Mars 2020 rover, that will be equipped with even more powerful instruments to advance the search for life.

"With these new findings, Mars is telling us to stay the course and keep searching for evidence of life," Thomas Zurbuchen, NASA science director at agency headquarters, said in a statement. "I'm confident that our ongoing and planned missions will unlock even more breathtaking discoveries."


as seen @ https://www.cbsnews.com/news/nasa-mars-announcement-organic-matter-curiosity-rover-building-blocks-possible-life/